I am going to learn how to miss you in silence and peace. I’ll draw the silence out, chew the peace and spit it out.
On some days, I’ll learn how to smile as a way of pealing the musk taste from my lips that your absence in your presence brings.
On others I’ll unfold in my love and maybe sacrifice my heart. I’ll learn how to love you from a distance,from angles and empty promises to a bleak future (what future )
And as loud and obvious as my affection is right now. It wakes up sleeping gods and makes my heart run out midnight on the streets and search for you frantically.
My heart and I
My soul & I
My spirit and I
My blood and I
My skin and I
My smile & I
All of me
We will learn how to love you in silence.
– And I.
I picked up this line from one of my favorite blogs. It just resonated with me and I thought let me share.
”I am not afraid of confronting storms, of being broken without the prospect of being mended again. Just so you know, I sometimes chase hurt so I have things to write about so do not shine your ego with thoughts of you you broke the spirit of a strong woman by you own doing. Never that. I fell for you on purpose”
If you want to read the whole post, here is the link. http://raelyricscribes.com/category/fiction-2/woman-to-woman-tales/
One of my fave’s
Hello guys. I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. Life just takes over sometimes.
Anyway my cousin sent me this text this morning and I just wanted to share. I try not to stay where I’m not wanted. But I felt this piece so much that I just had to share.
“Why I Stayed
I stayed because I felt like I had no way out.
I stayed because my self worth was buried in the hurtful words he would spew at me.
I stayed because ” no one would want me.”
I stayed because I was going to fight to be “the one.”
I stayed because dysnfunction was all I knew….
I kept going back because I was convinced that love was supposed to hurt.
#Why I Left
I left because I was worn down from the emotional welts and bruised from the verbal backlashing.
I left because killing myself to be nothing to someone else was not going to keep me alive.
And even after leaving from staying so long, I wanted to go back. My defeat was the best barrier between us”
Hello guys 🙂
It’s been a minute since I’ve actually greeted. I hope that you guys are great. Myself I’m ok. Happiness is a choice isn’t?
Isn’t it funny how when a relationship begins affinity is so high and when it has ended it’s on some super low? I’m just thinking about how it’s all a cycle. You meet. You date. You fall in love. You get into a relationship. Be together for a while. And then something happens and you can’t recover and so you go your seperate ways. After a while you have forgotten about that person. I mean how we move from talking almost all the time to not even having each other’s contacts. You get someone who used to walk outta meetings to take your call and now they can barely remember your existence. I mean… *sigh* It’s such a mind fuck honestly.
Anyway I’m not going through a break up or anything like that, quite to the contrary actually (zips lips) but I just came across something I wrote a few years back. It’s a fusion of two men that I was torn between and I honestly believe I ended up with the right one. For those who know me personally will remember the infamous #SmileKeeper. Oh man! Was I loved. Alas I wanted to share. I can’t believe I wrote this and now, much later, we might as well be strangers again. So this piece is what made me have something to say. Here goes.
[[He comes to see. Brings a friend. He really should’ve came alone.
He tells me I’m mature. I’m sexy. I’m beautiful. He says I’ve got beautiful eyes. But then he says I should lose weight, doesn’t touch me.
This man. I’ve known him for years now. It’s been so long. This man. That I met a couple of months ago. So young, so adventurous. So simple, too observant. He tells me not to change. He says there’s no one beyond me.
I’m afraid I might forget how his tongue tastes. I’ll forget stories he tells me. Of his struggles and his joy. Of his victories and his wars. Of dreams he has. I might forget his touch. His hand on my waist and how he looks at me. I might forget it all.
I might forget how he holds me tight, kisses my lower back, how he lightly kisses me. Gets up and spends the rest of the night in someone else’s arms.
Will I forget the night time drives to God knows where? Holding hands, half smiles, happiness, beer, wine, talking music, cars and football. Rolling blunts and tempting fate, trying destiny?
He thinks I’m perfect. He says I’m not healthy. He treats me like a child. Says I’m a grown woman. He’s seen me evolve with the years. He just met me, yet reads me so well.
I walk down the streets with him. Like a stranger. Like a best friend. They both have one thing in common. They tell me “baby, don’t change. Don’t ever change.”
Oh but how I will change. I will change.]]
I have been drinking.
You come over.
In your presence – I am floating.
We sit in the car. Me in the driver’s seat. You, the left side, sound roof open. Midnight skies. I see your name in the stars.
I cannot believe you are playing 2Chainz.
The palm of my hand against yours. A simple act of our hearts meeting. When God made our love, he was showing off. It is such a simple moment. I should already know it will stay with me forever. I should prepare myself.
I have a love affair wit your hands. You know this. Your lips taste like my soul’s happiness. I touch your skin and my hand burns.
Now I know why you said we are electric.
I just realised that the worst thing that could happen when in a relationship is not knowing where you stand. 15 months into it and you cant speak your mind freely. It’s like walking on egg shells. You are not who you really are.
You find yourself questioning why you’re still in this shit. It really is a shitty feeling. But what’s even worse is realising that you are not going anywhere. Your union is stale and it is just not fucken growing. The frustration is enough to make one chop off their fingers and smile at the sight of blood. Because you have to feel something, anything really.
There is so much going on in the world it’s so unreal. Everyone is going through their own shit sometimes worrying about relationships is the last thing on your mind. It was for me for about 2 years. When you been single for that long it is kind of hard to, all of a sudden, prioritise a stupid relationship with a man that you dont even know what he’s thinking half the time.
I had to worry about my career, my studies. For a long while getting dicked down was of no use to me. So even today when he disappears for two days I find it hard to pick up the phone and lick his ass. My people say Im cold but hey it is a cold world yo.
Anyway relationships are beautiful things most of the time. Sometimes we just end up with the wrong people. But at the end it is important to know where you stand and if you are okay. Because you will lift your head and face another day.
Currently listening to India Arie’s Nature. Im so in love with this track.
I am not that active on twitter. But here is my handle @_Mish101. I tweet a lot about sex(randomly) and my everyday life. Would love hearing from you guys.
Also, submitions are allowed. If you have anything to share you can email me at outlwiletgmail.com and I will try my outmost best to post the articles on this blog. It is IdeasAndWhatNots for a reason so yea anything goes.