A Vow To The Gods I

I’m not looking for someone to save me. But you see, talking to you makes me wish I could right wrongs and not poems.

I wonder if you can tell sometimes that I wann wrap you around my existence. I want to taste you at the back of my throat, like smoke. I’d lose myself in your smile. I’d make love to you, at sea in the middle of a lightning storm. If you had to break me I’d hold my ribcage open for you to rip out my heart and leave me dying. I’d let you because I’d rather be left dead than to never know the sound of a whirling storm.

I wonder when you read this. Will you know, will the spaces between my words whisper to you and tell you this is about you. Or you will be ignorant to them, thinking they are just blank spaces, when they spell out your name.

Maybe you will simply think about the woman you love, who happens to not be the writer of this poem.

Maybe God doesn’t allow your being to take over my sanity. My mind already makes space in my head for you to sit. He knows you would be my undoing. That if we touched I’d never be able to peel you off my skin. Maybe He knows that love like this is only for angels. Not humans who take it for granted. Not humans with a dozen sins and no idea of how to repent.

I’d repent all my sins if He gave me you. You would be my new beginning. If he gifted me wit you, I’d write you love poems constantly. I’d let your love grow inside of me as it becomes the fruit of my loins. I’d learn how to dance so that when words fail me, when I’m too overwhelmed to speak, I’d dance for you and show you how much I love you.

I made a vow wit the gods. That I would forget about you. We have meetings every now and then, myself and my gods. They ask me why are the skies dark? You know child, when you think about him, the stars die and the moon collapses.

Yet here I am, writing letters I cannot send.

Summer Nights

I have been drinking.

You come over.

In your presence – I am floating.

We sit in the car. Me in the driver’s seat. You, the left side, sound roof open. Midnight skies. I see your name in the stars.

I cannot believe you are playing 2Chainz.

The palm of my hand against yours. A simple act of our hearts meeting. When God made our love, he was showing off. It is such a simple moment. I should already know it will stay with me forever. I should prepare myself.

I have a love affair wit your hands. You know this. Your lips taste like my soul’s happiness. I touch your skin and my hand burns.

Now I know why you said we are electric.

Reason for Tha Mish Factor

When I started this blog it was mainly for myself. I’m not much of a writer. Ok who am I kidding I’ve been writing since I was in primary school. It was a form of an escape to me after I finished reading most of my mother’s novels. Most because some she wouldn’t let me read some books. (I read Danielle Steel’s Mirror Image behind her back and then cried cause it’s such a beautiful book. I recommend it) Anyway my cousin and an old friend have been nagging me to make this blog public so I’m going to start blogging a lot and sharing the links.

 

This might suprise a few people because my previous posts start with “hi guys” and end with a song I’m currently listening to, well that’s because I knew that at some point this baby was gon go public.

 

I hope you enjoy my thoughts, ideas and how I put into words whatever life throws at me. I’ll also be sharing posts or poems or whatever interesting things I come across.

Sidebar: I’m really bad at titling and even as I write this I have no idea what I’ma call this post.

When you accept less, people have no reason to give you more.

The title of this post is a quote. I came across it at a time when it was not relevant but now it is.

Hello guys.
Late greetings yes. The thing is Im just all sorts of irritated at the choices I’ve made. Excuse me a little bit. *sips on imaginary beer*

Anyway I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands and it really got me thinking about the nonsense I’ve been taking on a platter. The past 7 months might be a reason I will no longer be a very understanding and patient person.

Because of these traits I’ve accepted less, because I thought it will get better. It didn’t get better. I never received more. Because promises were made that weren’t kept. And still I remained understanding. It’s true, people end up not having a reason to give you more. I never gave this particular person a reason to give me more.

Sometimes it’s just better to hit the ground running. Demand what you know is yours and you’ve worked for it from the word go. It is just better. People take advantage of your good traits. Don’t let them. Because they believe you are young, foolish, inexperienced, naive or whatever they can come up with. Their opinions do not define you.

It really is just BS to put oneself in such situations. Alas lesson learned.

So Im currently listening to Pink – Sober.

In limbo

Hi guys

I just realised that the worst thing that could happen when in a relationship is not knowing where you stand. 15 months into it and you cant speak your mind freely. It’s like walking on egg shells. You are not who you really are.

You find yourself questioning why you’re still in this shit. It really is a shitty feeling. But what’s even worse is realising that you are not going anywhere. Your union is stale and it is just not fucken growing. The frustration is enough to make one chop off their fingers and smile at the sight of blood. Because you have to feel something, anything really.

There is so much going on in the world it’s so unreal. Everyone is going through their own shit sometimes worrying about relationships is the last thing on your mind. It was for me for about 2 years. When you been single for that long it is kind of hard to, all of a sudden, prioritise a stupid relationship with a man that you dont even know what he’s thinking half the time.

I had to worry about my career, my studies. For a long while getting dicked down was of no use to me. So even today when he disappears for two days I find it hard to pick up the phone and lick his ass. My people say Im cold but hey it is a cold world yo.

Anyway relationships are beautiful things most of the time. Sometimes we just end up with the wrong people. But at the end it is important to know where you stand and if you are okay. Because you will lift your head and face another day.

Currently listening to India Arie’s Nature. Im so in love with this track.

I am not that active on twitter. But here is my handle @_Mish101. I tweet a lot about sex(randomly) and my everyday life. Would love hearing from you guys.

Also, submitions are allowed. If you have anything to share you can email me at outlwiletgmail.com and I will try my outmost best to post the articles on this blog. It is IdeasAndWhatNots for a reason so yea anything goes.